Food and Beverages XI

Now, this article is supposed to be on sports, and not only cricket. But the requirement of this piece was a bunch of sportspersons who have clearly been gorging on their favorite foods and a lot of their favorite beverages. And in which sport would you find a players that are completely unfit, outrageously fat and downright lousy. That’s right, “Only Cricket’.

Food and Beverages XI:

1.      Yuvraj Singh (Captain)
Now, Yuvi has been nursing the dream of being an Indian captain for a very long time and even the Punjabis themselves snatched his chance of captaining a side in IPL 2010. I can not be that heartless. After all, Yuvraj is the new “Phat Boy” of cricket and has been eating like crazy. Yuvraj has been eating up a lot of opportunities for quite some time and performing crap.

2.      Shane Warne (Vice Captain)
If you are looking for a man who loves his beer, than Shane is that man. He loves his beers so much that he couldn’t live with out them, even while he is on the field. Of course, he also likes eating “medicines that his mum gave him” right before important tournaments. For his sheer love for F & B, Shane has been included as the vice-captain.
3.      Ricky Ponting
He is not really a fat cricketer and looks extremely fit for his age and being a captain for the Australian side for so long, he must not be very lousy either. So, why is he put up in this side? Well, for some time now, Ponting has been made to eat his words a lot. Don’t wonder if you find a fat Ponting in the coming days with his 5 – 0 win prediction for Ashes 2010.

4.      Jesse Ryder
The original “Phat Boy” is presently undergoing classes for disciplining himself. But does he gorge on his beer or what? I am not too sure whether Jesse is feeding on the kiwi fruits or the birds called kiwis, but if you take into account the kind of talent Ryder is, he is surely eating Kiwi cricket whole by getting into such stupid issues.

5.      Jacques Kallis
This player from the land of Protea it seems has been fed a great deal of proteins. Fat but agile, this worthy all rounder also belongs to the Bangalore side of IPL and certainly has a wide variety of alcohol at his disposal.

6.      Inzamam – ul – Haq
Now here, I need not make any guesses. This aloo-k – a – like gorges on his potatoes like there is no tomorrow. He is a devout Muslim though, so I think that beverages of the common kind are not on his list.

7.      Andrew Symonds
This man loves his fishes. He even went on a fishing trip when his entire team was sitting down for a meet. The man certainly loves his Fosters, having been a part of quite a few pub brawls in the past. That can happen; after all there are side effects to love.

8.      Arjuna Ranatunga
While playing his cricket, he ate a lot of the chances that his partners at the crease had, by getting them run outs. Now, as a part of administration, Ranatunga can be seen drinking the “Spirit of Cricket” that his Lankan side embodies.

9.      Harbhajan Singh
The favorite food for Bhajji has always been “Foot in the Mouth”. A controversy prone cricketer also seems to have eaten up all his talent, and has decided to take part in the International Dart Throwing Competition after his well placed darts aimed at opposition’s batsmen, have drawn wide criticism. Bhajji also likes to “let his hair down” when it comes to Seagrams. Remember the ad, where he walked on the ramp and instigated quite a few fellow Sikhs?

10  & 11. Ramesh Powar and Dwayne Laverrock
Oh, their waist line is enough to throw them out of any International quality cricket team. But not from this one. These are the kind of men that we would love to see roll on the grounds. Drum Roll, for these men!

12th Man: Tiger Woods
I know he is not really a cricketer, but then as a 12th Man, his job would only be to carry the Food and Beverages to the players. He has been included for eating over 16 cats according to recent reports that have come out in the open.

The above statements may not be facts. I guess, you thought as much.
An Article by Ankit Poddar who blogs at All Padded Up

comment 4 comments:

BK Chowla, on September 16, 2010 at 11:58 AM said...

Of course those are not facts.More important is the presentation.

Ankit Poddar on September 18, 2010 at 1:22 PM said...

So, did you like the presentation?

A Bisht on September 24, 2010 at 2:33 PM said...

Ha ha list of lousy eaters. Enjoyed reading it.

AS on December 3, 2010 at 10:13 AM said...

good one! creative indeed :D

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